Li-berry Stories

Hmm... well, gentle readers, one of you suggested that I lay down my baby-touting rattle-pen and actually type something about ye olde jobbe. I always seem to have zany goings-on at my place o'employment, but can never really recall them when I'm put on the spot. It's a bit like living in the Addams Family-- the oddness becomes second nature after a few years.

The library is, of course, an institution generally open to the public, unless you are one of those lovely patrons who:

1. exposes himself to library staff in the Biography section,

2. looks at porn/commits check fraud with the scanner in the computer lab, or

3. beats on the front doors with a 3-foot/~1-meter tree branch at 7 a.m.


Thankfully, I've never experienced any of the aforementioned "quirks" displayed by our patrons/torturers. I've merely discovered the After picture in a demonstration of explosive diarrhea and its reaches in your average, industrial WC. Oh, and there was that time that the local off-duty cop we employed almost pepper-sprayed a kid because he tried to elbow Mr. Ossifer in the chops. Foolish kid, no? But some of the most amusing events simply involve smug observation.

Case in point-- the security gates "guarding" the entrance to the library. It would be simply amazing if they were working, because perhaps then we staffmembers could prevent the wanton shoplifting of the Manga book of the week by the high schoolers from across the street. You've seen devices like these in other buildings, I'm sure... they consist of upright sensors made to detect the presence of a book's security sticker-thingie. Ours come with a metal arm that keeps count of people abusing our branch when pushed aside. Conveniently, this arm is also at hip to stomach-height, causing all who enter or exit backwards to either cause potential damage to sensitive areas (can I write that?!) or have the wind knocked out of them/get clotheslined if traveling at high speeds. Call me petty/cruel, but it's fun to snicker at high-falutin' kids trying to pull off a Vanilla Ice look suddenly get whiplash and speak in a falsetto in front of their crush of the day.

Speaking of Vanilla Ice, here I am with my friend Kristen dancing to "Ice, Ice Baby" at her wedding.

Oh, my! It's 2 a.m., and I must get myself to the Land of Nod. Tally-ho. And I can't get the picture to load correctly. What gives? Blogspot only gets pix right about 0.56% of the time. Sheesh.